First things first: Here’s what B DSM actually stands for:
B DSM includes bondage and discipline (B&D), dominance and submission (D&S), and sadism & masochism (S&M). The terms are lumped together that way because B DSM can be a lot of different things to different people with different reasons Most of the time, a person's interests fall into one or two of those categories, rather than all of them.
It doesn’t always involve sex, but it can.
Most people think B DSM is always tied to sex, and while it can be for some people, others draw a hard line between the two. "Both are bodily experiences that are very intense and sensual and cause a lot of very strong feelings in people who practice them, but they're not the same thing,". The metaphor uses for it: a massage. Sometimes a massage, however sensual it feels, is just a massage. For others, a rubdown pretty much always leads to sex. It's kind of similar with B DSM; it's a matter of personal and sexual preference.
There is nothing inherently wrong or damaged with people if they’re into it.
This is one of the most common and frustrating misconceptions about B DSM,
B DSM isn't something that emerges from abuse or domestic violence, and engaging in it does not mean that you enjoy abuse or abusing.
Instead, enjoying B DSM is just one facet of someone's sexuality and lifestyle. "It's just regular people who happen to get off that way,"
"It's your neighbors and your teachers and the people bagging your groceries. The biggest myth is that you need this special set of circumstances. It's regular people who have a need for that to be their intimate dynamics
Know that you can always say no.
A lot of people starting out think it's all or nothing , especially if you've only been with one partner.
For instance, you might think that because you enjoyed being submissive under certain circumstances, that means you must agree to a whole host of submissive or masochistic behaviors that you're not necessarily into. But that's absolutely wrong. You can — and should — pick and choose which **** activities you are and are not interested in And that can vary depending on the situation, the partner, or even the day. Just remember that consent is a requirement in B DSM, and it's possible to consent to one thing while still objecting to another.
BDSMers are just as stable as people who prefer vanilla sex.
"In my experience, it's easier for people to get into B DSM if they don't have a history of abuse, people who are in a more stable place in their lives,"
A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people who had engaged in B DSM in the past year were no more likely to have been coerced into sexual activity and were no more likely to be unhappy or anxious than those who didn't do ****. And actually, men who engaged in **** had lower scores of psychological distress than other men.
That said, BDSMers do not judge people who aren't into it
The term "vanilla" isn't meant to be derogatory, just to refer to non-**** sexual acts or people who aren't interested in kink
